I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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