I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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