he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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