i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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