Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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