onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize