Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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