I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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