Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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