she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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