I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize