Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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