the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize