I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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