while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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