8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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