Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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