everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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