physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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