i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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