She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize