halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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