I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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