I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
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My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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