Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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