Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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