My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize