My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize