Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

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(508): Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one. http://tfl.nu/qdhb

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(954): View more from Florida

Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!

(805): View more from California

God Bless America!

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(954): Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day! (805): God Bless America! http://tfl.nu/gnt7

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis

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(781): Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis http://tfl.nu/4nxt

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(281): View more from Texas

I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!

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(281): I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy! http://tfl.nu/gg3p

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(765): View more from Indiana

He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

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(765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc

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(719): View more from Colorado

I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"

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(719): I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today" http://tfl.nu/2j14

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(+61): View more from Australia

We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.

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(+61): We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well. http://tfl.nu/yavz

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(785): View more from Kansas

She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...

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(785): She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before... http://tfl.nu/n0in

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick

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(608): he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick http://tfl.nu/43v1

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.

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(603): I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay. http://tfl.nu/s25q

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(714): View more from California

you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"

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(714): you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle" http://tfl.nu/ec60

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem

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(832): Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem http://tfl.nu/ll71

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(520): View more from Arizona

Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?

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(520): Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago? http://tfl.nu/8k0d

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5

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(+44): i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5 http://tfl.nu/ljio

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(415): View more from California

Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.

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(415): Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN. http://tfl.nu/d27u

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