SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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