Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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