from now on my penis is your penis
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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