The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
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You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need water and some morals
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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