Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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