I skipped work to stalk him.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
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We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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