just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
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I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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