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i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
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