She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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