Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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