He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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