Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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