and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
3 2 1 whiskey
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
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