maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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