just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
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What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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