is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize