i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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