I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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