Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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