I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
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Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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