There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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